This week I picked the Russian strategy rpg gem Paradise Cracked.
SPOILER ALERT!: I think it refers to the future being a bad Mad magazine rip off.
This beautiful menu is just a port hole in to what is PARADISE CRACKED. A cyberpunk game that rivals Blade Runner in it's cyberpunkiness. The game opens up introducing the protagonist who for some reason has no name and it's up to you to find something in his shambled one room apartment with his name on it. When you finally find his name tag from his class reunion it's up to you to make up a name. Since the game is originally Russian I names him Boris Ivan in honor of it's home country.
Spoiler Alert!: The manual says his name is Officer Rick Neo Riddick DeLarge Murphy Robocop, kudos on originality.
Upon leaving your apartment you discover that you live above a run down strip club which is pretty sweet. With it being a strip club and all you'd think there would be some little titties or something, but alas there are none, only male asses. And they call this game a mature game, if it's going to mature a tleast show some boobies or in combat let the player select the "dick" target when targeting enemies.
SPOILER ALERT!: Some nerd made a mode that infact allows you to see boobies and shoot dicks off. Pro Tip: the Nerd wasn't me .
One thing I hate about this game is that the bottom of the screen is always cut off. Even when I adjust the monitor or the video preferences in in the options menu it's just not there. I've missed out on a lot of valuable information because of this. I think it's because the game was made for Russian monitors or something. The menus are pretty stereotypical strategy game menus, except these ones are all fuzzy and shit to look more cyber and more punk and more cyberpunk.
Spoiler Alert!: This hacker character is from a cast of futuristic cyber Native Americans who have been persecuted by space Brits. You find this out in chapter 32 "The Natives are no longer native"
What cyberpunk dystopia isn't complete with some sort of Japanese building or writing in katakan/hiragana? This is where I murdered a homeless man that offered me a cyber cheese burger. No one around really cared they were tired of his cyber burgers too, they praised me and showered me with presents that were mostly just empty vials of some cyber drug they had taken.
Spoiler Alert!: Just like "Fallout 3 the game of life" you can get addicted to these cyber drugs. But unlike Fallout they don't hinder you they actually make you super human like.
I also heard something about this game being a semi-education tool used in home schooling. It does have some really good life lessons and tips in it. Like the screen shot above, I learned something that could save my life in to near distant punkcyber future. Thanks Paradise Cracked, you wasted 67 hours of my life but taught me many lessons, just like high school but I only wasted 50 hours of my life there. Even if the menus are fucked and some of the game wasn't translated I give it the grade I would have gotten if I stayed in high school a solid B+
Spoiler Alert!: That's the grade I would have given myself for that awesome paper on the Mothman I wrote.
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