Dragons and Dragons?!

Whooo it's been awhile. Been busy...sort of. Been out of town several times this summer New Mexico, Oregon on and off, been working on my heavy weapons guy costume which I have finished save for the gun and playing a lot of Dragon Quest IX. Sadly not as much gaming has happened with my group as I would have liked. Which will hopefully be remedied soon, starting the group back up on a new night and not as frequent will hopefully help. I've also been eying the newish D&D board game Castle Ravenloft, that will hopefully breath some air back in to our gaming group. Shane and I will probably tag team a review on it since it sounds like he'll be officially joining our gaming group.

Return of the tag team article

Here at Laff and a Haff, we like roleplaying games....ALOT.

It's true, in fact, it's half the reason we never post.

That's kind of true! Sadly we rarely get to play any of the games we like....we've become the default DMs for our groups respectively.

Sometimes we let Steve do it, but he always yells at us when we say swears.

And then he swears when we ask him why he can but we can't...

And then he kills our characters...But this article isnt about Steve (fuck that guy)!

Well not really, we love that guy. He's like a creepy uncle that's not our uncle or as creepy.

Also, we have to say we like him, he reads this blog.

Alright I think we've stretched that out as much as we can. Some where along the way to growing up wanting to play fantasy games and actually play fantasy games I stumbled upon the name of this game.

And I just sort of rolled with the sort of crowd who would often talk about it.

I had been looking for it for years, but it was always too god damn expensive because it was always going in and out of print. About a year ago I finally got to play it....kind of. We played for about twenty minutes until one of my friends accidentally spilled his 40 oz on to it.

Which, if I understand the rules of fantasy gaming, only enhances the experience. Like putting on a Led Zeplin album.

Or Rush, which is basically what you and I did when we played this game for the first couple of times.

The game is Talisman by the way. Not sure if we mentioned that.

Oh I mentioned it last night/this morning in the last post so I just assumed they knew.

I didn't read that...

Oh, you should it's a good post. Whoever wrote it, not saying any names, is probably a really handsome man with sexy body parts somewhere on him.

Whatever. What do you think of Talisman?

It's a perfect game for gaming heroes like you and me who sacrifice their precious time and money to make each gaming session better than the last. The unsung heroes who never get to play that character they've thought about for months, making him perfect for that chance to play him...only to never get to. Talisman is like D&D without a asshole DM, fuck those guys.

Yeah, I like that you don't need Big Brother to play. I also like that the Wizard is automatically Evil. Because, seriously, every wizard I have ever seen played in any D&D game has been either psychotic, or just a jerk.

Unless they're a nature wizard those guys are like hippies only nicer and smell like trees rather than B.O.

I thought nature wizards were just druids. What kind of weird DnD are you playin? Advanced 2nd Edition?

I dunno, but the druid is in Talisman too along with 13 other guys including the evil wizard. They have a really nice array of classes plus more in other EXPANSIONS! Which we'll talk about when we play them.

What was your favorite class to play? Mine was toad. You could only move one space, so you always knew where you'd wind up. And you have a pretty good chance of beating up a Druid and stealing from him. All in all, not a bad one.

Toad was cool, but druids are baby men so it's not hard to beat them up. I think my favorite man to play was the warrior. He was a cool guy. When I played him a barbarian helped him through the mountains and he got stronger! Then he was a good warrior fighting in the name of some ancient good only to be turned to the dark side and rule the world/country/board with a iron fist! That was cool, it was like living a dream...

I also enjoyed the Dwarf class. His stats are stupid high at the get-go, so he is the perfect bully character. Not to mention the fact that he can pretty much just walk to the end of the board whenever he wants.

Yeah I played him the other night with my friends. I got my ass beat by the Troll, that kind of sucked. But I valiantly sacrificed myself hoping to buy time for the other players to get to get stronger and defeat him. So they could have the fabled crown of command. Sadly my death was for not.

Yeah, I have to take back what I said earlier. Troll is the perfect bully class.

A Lemure can kick his ass though, his craft stat is probably the lowest of all characters. For people not familiar with the game, in terms of D&D craft is like Intelligence, Wisdom and Charisma all bunched in to one. You use it to fight spirits especially that fucking asshole Demon....I hate that guy.

When the demon shows up, you pretty much either call the evil Wizard (who will probably just party with it) or the creepy Priest. That Ben-Franklin looking motherfucker can kill any spirit in one hit and take no damage. Also, there's an item that does that too. So if the Troll gets said item, he's unstoppable (Except by maybe a Wizard).

Yeah like my friend Matt, he got the cross as the Troll. Just like in D&D you can get random treasure in Talisman. You move around the board drawing adventure cards, they could be awesome weapons, helpful followers, fiendish dragons or asshole imps that teleport you randomly on the board.

Another aspect of the game is the titular "Talisman". Really, the game should be called "TalismanS" becasue those things are EVERYWHERE!

Yeah really, last game a Talisman was the first card I drew. You don't even need one until late game because you have to have one to get through the space leading to the last space, the home to THE CROWN OF COMMAND!

THE CROWN OF COMMAND! The goal of the game. You can probably guess what it does. That's right! It kills people!

Yeah I don't get that part. You fight your way to get to the crown and instead of COMMANDING people you use it to hurt and eventually kill them. I mean if I had it I would make them quest for me and bring me back all of the spoils and riches.

I would make them come get me. Seriously, that crown is in a BAD NEIGHBORHOOD! Its filled with vampires and demons and werewolves and fire!

True! I guess I would use it to kill everyone though. Eventually all of the other heroes begin to get pissed and try and come kill you to take control of the crown. So I guess it makes sense.

When it's all said and done, I think Talisman is a good game and a fantastic time machine.

Yeah you and I played like seven games of it in less than twenty four hours, that's got to say something about it.

Also, each game felt like 20 minutes to me. When in reality, they were almost 2 hours each.

Yeah...we have no lives. A warning the more people that play the longer it will take. I played a game with five players and it took about four hours to play. If you have time, love fantasy games, at least one friend and about $60 to drop on a kick ass board game I definitely suggest Talisman.

And if you don't have some of that stuff, you can come play with us. Well, you can if you're cool. And like Rush.

We'll probably have more praise with in the next week or so when I get my expansion in the mail. Four more classes, new cards doubling the adventure deck, upping the spell deck and adding Death himself to the game sounds really kick ass.

I look forward to getting a few spaces away from the CROWN OF COMMAND just as you get there and kill me!

Me too and I hope our 3 fans look forward to hearing about and or playing with us!


In honor of the evil Crown of command.


EDIT: I didn't know this video had shitty word bubbles placed in to it....they piss me off. So when you listen to the song, if you do, don't watch the video.

Im Ready.

For some D&D.

The gang down here in Mondependence wached an awesome movie that really got me in the mood to kick some Kobolds square in their reptillain nuts.

Who's in?




ADVENTURE!

Gah

Yeah we're behind, especially me....Friday night I was having computer issues and then Saturday I went out of town to visit Shane and co. until yesterday. I was too fucking tired last night to do anything and tonight I'm exhausted and grumpy. We'll get caught up soon, I promise that.

Also, Wizards of the coast eat a fucking dump. Seriously, you push all your online add ons for Dungeons and Dragons 4th edition back over half a year and now you release the beta for your stupid character generator and the last five times I've downloaded it and tried to install it I get errors. Fuck you, you cock tease slut.

Google Gearch... Guesday?

So, here we are again, Christmas hangover just ending... New Year's revelry about to begin. What better time than to ruin something we love by typing it into Google? I'll tell you... none. None better a time than now, dear reader.

Kicking things off this "Satarday" is my entry DnD:

Ah yes... I remember this move. Martin Lawrence gets transported back in time and has to nail broads to save history. A true classic.

I think you've got that mixed up with Black Knight...which you still need to return my VHS copy of. I remember THIS movie though, I was a freshman in high school, a doe eye'd roleplayer, I had just started playing after the release of 3rd edition. My family was also stealing pay per view at the time so I was able to view this classic for free.

Wait... I think I did see this move...

...oh God...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yeah that was the reaction I was expecting...because Black Knight would never demand that heart wrenching of a reply. I don't remember this movie that well, there are three things aside from the Marlon's brother. The semi-hot elf, the retarded looking dwarf and the main bad guy who I swore was Doc Brown from back to the future.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

No, really I thought It was Doc Brown...

NOOOOOOOOOOO- wait. Is that the Mummy up there? On the right?

No, thank god, because the mummy is also going to be Zartan in the new Gi Joe movie....that movie already has more kicks to the nuts than the practice guy in womens self defence classes. Little known fact that guy you mention was in the sci fi original sequel

Ok, now I DEFINITELY remember seeing that one. As I recall, it was a whole hell of a lot better. That Barbarian Chick? Hell yeah. She can rage my berserker any day of the week.

That made no sense, but yeah she could power attack my rod whenever she wanted.

I think what we're all saying here is that she can Handle any Animal she pleases.

As long as it's my cock

But, since it's a movie about DnD, she was probably being played by an overweight 40 year old man.

What DnD group have you been playing with? We don't know any overweight 40 year olds that exclusively play female characters. Have you been "roleplaying" in chat rooms again?

That's between me and my 12th level halfling Tantric Raider.

Let me know next time you play I'll roll up a character.

Next up, Kurt's long-time love: GI Joe!

Honestly, I don't know what to say...this image is just weird and disturbing. I thought fans of the 3 3/4 th Joes were bad enough...but look at this shit...I'm glad I don't play with dolls. I'd probably mutilate small animals too.

"Caught this one in the Green Zone, looked like he was burying land mines."

I wish it hadn't been caught so maybe these DOLLS and their man owner would step on them. You know I'd like to think that when this guy showed his friends this image they stopped talking to him, when in reality I know they high fived him and asked him where he got the guy on the left.

Take heart, man, he probably doesn't have any friends.

His dolls are probably his only friends. See I play with action figures, not dolls, notice the word action, because they kick ass.

See, now that's where I disagree with you. I don't think his Dolls even like him. He did pose them over a DEAD SQUIRREL after all...

But at least they got to be outside...most of his pictures are taken in a dark damp basement...and most of the time him and his dolls are naked.

True, as bad as that squirrel might be, it's nothing compared with the *ahem* Cobra they have to face nearly every day.

Alright, I'm not going any farther than that...I don't even want to imagine where it'll go next. Any last words before I punt you from the living for that comment?

Only that I hope that, like me, this guy gets what he deserves one day.

Oh he will, those squirels will have their vengence and I hope on that day someone happens to be there with a video camera.

Finally, just to clense our collective pallates, the hot elf chick from the Dungeons and Dragons movie:

Delightful.