It's not technically Saturday anymore but we haven't gone to sleep and woke up yet so it is for us! This week the images we found happened to have kids, the rascally half people have wormed in to our hearts and made us smile, laugh and cry but not necessarily in that order. Though sometimes when you look at them you realize they'll be running your nursing home and in charge of your country...and it makes you cry yourself to sleep. I now know how my parents felt when they saw my friend and me throwing dog shit at the neighborhood bully, the country will be protected and they know we wont falter but we'll go about it all wrong and get shit everywhere.So up first in front of the firing squad is Shane "Horseman" Hosea: He picked his beloved "god"
Hey, kids. Welcome to the internet! Here's your complimentary shirt
and you've summed up our entire generations lives I think the one on the left has got it right. That is the exact expression you get when you've spent the prime of your life on 4chan. There you are, overweight, sweaty, masturbating to pictures of a kitten on fire...weeping.
Also wearing your fifth bag of Cheetos all over your face. I know exactly what they're trying to do here, use children to make me hate fags. What they failed to realize is that I know these kid's parents forced them to wear these and I'm actually in turn hating them...good job on using your kids to make people hate you. You didn't even have to send them to someone's house to act like little shits you just posted them all over the internet for them to find. So when your kids friends parents look up your husband's name on the internet to make sure he doesn't molest their kid, they find pictures of your Christmas card and that your husband is in fact a molester, double whammy.
Here's my question...does God actually hate Fags? As an ordained minister, I guess I have to answer that, don't I?
Yeah you're asking the wrong guy, the only time I've talked to God is when I'm running to the bathroom after a wicked night of cheap beer, praying that I don't shit myself.
That's why he doesn't talk to you (also why he makes you shit yourself sometimes). Hold on, I'm gonna ask God how he feels about fags....
While you do that I'm going to run to the bathroom and make sure I don't shit myself.
God says he doesn't give a shit. The only sex that bothers him is fur suits, and midget porn. He doesn't condemn them, he just says they "Aren't really his thing"
I would condemn fur suits if I was God...midget porn now there's nothing wrong with that, that's nature.
It's the circle of life, man.
Oh, I would also condemn this blasphemous image...
He says he already did. Bad news: we're going to hell for re-posting it...
I had to repost it this week it goes against everything the Ninja Turtles stand for
NOT USING GUNS
Oh man, look at Mikey! He's MUTATED AGAIN!! Although, in all seriousness. If there was one Ninja Turtle that would use guns, it'd be Raph.
Yeah but it would be for the pizza guy getting their late or someone creasing his favorite porn mag, he wouldn't use it in a real fight.
I want you to play a game with me Last time I did I woke up in alley naked
Only because you lost...Ok, find 5 things in this picture that tells you that this family is poor as fuck.
Styrofoam on the couch, couch needs repairs, couldn't pay for the babies costume, uses daddies drug deal gun instead of ninja weapons and the KY gel on the stool next to the couch telling you it's a studio apartment and that the parents have sex in the same room their children sleep. I win no waking up in the alley naked this time.
You win this time, Trimbo. Bonus points would have been awarded for spotting the carpet on the wall, though.
Yeah but that was easy, I figured you would have said they can't afford shoes either. In turn I would counter they are ninja turtles and they never wear shoes even when they're disguised and that is why the family chose turtles that year for Halloween, they didn't need to have shoes.
Yeah, but that one in the middle has mismatched-socks ALSO a problem the real Turtles never have.
I have mismatched-socks
Yeah, but you're a stoned 20 something and it's passed 5am. Plus, you're not taking a picture of it. You also don't have a costume with the name of what you're supposed to be printed on the costume... First of all, I'm not stoned anymore, second of all 5am is when I thrive, third you're right I'm not taking photos of myself to post on the internet right now, fourth my friend had a he-man costume like that when we were in school, I feel bad because I made fun of him hardcore for it having a picture of he-man on it. Also I have no reason why I'm attempting to defend against the other points they were valid.
Yeah, I admit to having a Michalangelo costume as a kid...Big ol' picture of Mikey right there on the PURE WHITE SHIRT...seriously... my costume was a white shirt with a picture on it... and a plastic mask.
That sucks, I would have pushed you down had I seen you wearing that. Mine was a soft foam shell, like the front was all padded and shit and the back was this harder foam, my mom painted my face up all green and my mask wasn't some shitty rubber one like these kids have, I know those cut in their skin, mine was good ol'fabric that felt like polyester.Though sadly I think it had a picture of Raphael on the right part of the chest, but to defend that it looked like the old comic book Raph so really it could have been ant turtle I fucking wanted it to be.
Hell, it probably WAS any turtle they all wore red in the comic.
Yeah but the only colored part of that comic was the cover do it didn't matter.
You take that back! EVERYTHING about that comic mattered!!
Whoa whoa whoa I know but, you know...I was just defending the fact that all of the turtles being red wasn't an issue...they weren't colored so you couldn't tell them apart anyways unless you was their weapons, which did not include a gun.
Moral of the story: Turtle ninja mutants don't use guns, no matter how old they are.
Amen
The challenge mode of "what makes this family poor" the Bonus Round
I bet these kids got this gorilla turtle man cake for their birthday too, poor bastards. Wait a fucking minute.
huh?
Raphael is holding a fucking sword on that cake and it's by the fucking handle, his sai are sitting at Don's feet. When I looked at this shit the first time I knew there was a man hole on the floor it just makes no fucking sense. That man hole should not be on the floor if they're in the fucking sewer. Do your fucking research idiot.
My good friends Alex and Adam have been working on new material for their band the cock and rock opera. They did some short skits about Marc Chambers, a robot inventor. My good friend here, Shane, created a short animation for the first one.
Also here is their link to theirband page Alex of the Cock and rock opera
It's common knowledge among friends and family that I have problems sleeping. Ever since I graduated from high school almost five years ago it's hard for me to get to sleep before the sun comes up. On top of that I work as a teacher's assistant at a kindergarten....those kids drain the shit out of me. Last night I got three hours of sleep...three whole hours and today was my first day back to work in two weeks. I couldn't clear my mind. Thoughts just danced and pranced around...and those thoughts were about fucking gi joe figures. My thoughts weren't stressful, hectic or anger ridden like they often are. I set up all of my 25th anniversary joes last night and counted them. I realized that as of now I'm only missing four to have one of every joe that's out, Doc, Alpine, Leatherneck, and Cutter. First I layed in bed and wondered when the hell my Doc would be coming in the damn mail. Seriously fuck you hasbro making me lose sleeping wondering when I'll get my precious medic in the mail. Then I started thinking about Alpine and how the dvd set he comes with is super sick and I want that cobra paratrooper and that sweet cobra commander but alas I don't get paid until the 15th! Since I work a college campus job I get paid once a month. Then Leatherneck, how at first I didn't care about him and now the more I see him and think about the figure I want him....I have to drop $15 and get another AWE to get him...but he'll be worth it when I get him...I know it...in the deepest darkest part of my heart. Then finally that balls Cutter figure...fuck hasbro for that poor attempt. Back during the JvC days they released Cutter as Shipwreck, you look at the figure, he had red hair and a goatee and he came with a boat! There were even filecard samples for the figure form Asia that said Cutter! Balls to you hasbro and screwing Cutter over, I'll make my own fucking figure thank you very much. After I contemplated those last figures I started thinking about the upcoming Nightforce Lt. Falcon figure. Man Hasbro could do some cool stuff with this figure. Use Dusty's torso, waist coast belt thingie and upper legs, lower legs from Falcon, give him flint arms and just paint the head a bit better and finish him up with the comic pack gear. They'd have a winner on their hands! If they don't those fuckers will force me to do a custom and I don't have the motivation for those anymore. God my life has become a wreck...I stay up late thinking about plastic army men and then rant about it in a blog. I hope something new and exciting happens in my life...like finding the tunnelrat comic pack this week...i'd pee my pants even if the figures are poopoo doodoo shits.
The day you're all been waiting for is here, it's Google search day. From now on I (Spooky/Kurtis) will be represented by a beautiful shade of green and Shane a balls shade of blue. This week I have I will be starting off the festivities.My word this week is BEER!
This man right here is what every drunk frat boy aspires to be, a screaming, pile of man muscle that uses his 15 strength to brutalize women and rape them, just like Conan.
Too bad for them, Conan only drinks Pabst. I think he'd probably get high and punch this guy out.
Conan is too manly for Pabst, you know how I know? I'm a manly mother fucker and I refuse to drink that shit. I also refuse to drink the balls juice this guy apparently became deliriously drunk on. I can imagine that he came up with a lengthy back story. He seems like a closet role-player who was kicked out of his group in high school, and was forced to take solace in the gym
He was kicked out because he couldn't help but put other members of his group in a headlock, threaten to make them suck his dick or give them wedgies. I'd kick him out of my group too, but after I gave him a wedgie and made him suck my dick as he was in a headlock.
Sorta looks like he's ready for that too. I think he's coming for you, man. Better get your Miller High Life armor ready
No, I wear the armor of my people, +2 prone to alcoholism armor of Bud, I wield a +1 dagger of broken high life bottle. Thank you very much. I wouldn't know, as I am master of only Hard Lemonade-jitsu. I studied under the great Mike.The idea is to make your opponent laugh long enough for you to call the cops.
The laughing comes from seeing what you're drinking while they're wearing their manly beer armor. Any last words before I shiv you with my +1 dagger?
Yeah. Open the door, it's the cops.
Balls....all I have to say is that I know some day I'll wake up one Sunday morning and I'll be wearing a soiled set of beer box armor, my cheeks covered in dry tears. That will be the day I vow to never stop drinking.... I'm pretty sure that's how this guy woke up the next morning. Only, his ass hurt.
Picture 2: This week Shane has chosen one of his favorite boyhood pastimes, hell one of his favorite pastimes that doesn't involve playing with his dingy. Lego.
You know, I never thought I'd see the day... but here it is. Lego is now pretentious.
I feel it's a little racist too, I mean, is the artist trying to say that every Chinese man wishes on the in side he could make a high quality bootleg of Lego??
Sometimes I wish that...Have you seen the prices lately? 40 bucks for a pirate ship? No thank you, sir.
I'd gladly pay that...if it came with real pirates and you could sail it in international waters...you'd make your 40 back in a mater of months.
I wish that Lego stuff was real. Then I'd have all the fucking space ships I'd ever want. Watch out, fuckers, I gots me an ARMADA!
I once had a dream of having a armada of spaceships, I realized it was dumb. I decided engineering a race of super warriors that could breath underwater was more plausible.
Yeah, but then you'd have to deal with Aquaman in his own element. That's why he seems so weak, you never see him in the water. But once he gets wet, look the fuck out!
Aquaman is one man, my army is many men. I know you'll say "Oh he has sea creatures and seamen" I know, I know, but I'll dump oil in the ocean and I'll win the world. No joke.
Ha, try that shit and then you got Captain Planet on your ass. You think Aquaman is bad at least he wont make you grab your ankles.
Haha, idiot, Captain Planet is a failed cartoon character not a real hero.He never really existed.
Well then who am I thinking of? Sgt. Slaughter? Must be Slaughter...
Probably, I know how he whips the gi joes in shape and it's a nightmare inducing shudder fest.
I remember when Sgt. Slaughter had to invent a robot of himself that was 80 stories tall so he could wrestle an irradiated Rowdy Roddy Piper over the skyline of Chicago. Piper went to kick Sarge in the jewels, and came up empty. Because robots don't have jewels. Then Slaughter ended it with a turbo suplex, that landed on Batman's parents. To this day, Batman always crys when he sees a guy in Aviator shades.
That day will always go down as the greatest event in American, hell the worlds, history. We now celebrate presidents day and valentines day because of that event. Every year I make sure to carve the ceremonial ghost to look like the face of the Piper. Every damn year...
Tune in next week for another pulse pounding and heart stopping installment!
