It's 3am...

I'm at my friend's fuckling drunk and talking about jake the alligator man, look that shit up. Some music is playing I dunno what it is but it's talking about some guy named satan and a bridge something about death. \We're going to drink a 18 pack and watdhc rapo man, good night sweet children, I'm going to eat some fuckikng cookiees.
P.S. the music was manowar.

Yeah I've been listening to a lot of old school hip hop...

and we all know this story all too well, haha, I know Shane and I do.

You know if it wasn't for my mom I wouldn't be in to 70's-80's hip hop as much as I am, so I thank her for that. I remember her singing the like of RUN DMC, Public Enemy, Whodini and this song at the tender age of 4.
If it wasn't for my dad I wouldn't fucking hate Aerosmith as much as I do, so I thank him for that.

Game face! Volume 4 part 2

Ok so this week for game face we're doing something a little different, well two things a little different first we're doing this one together and second it's not a video game.

Yeah, well, I figured since Kurt's been slacking off so much lately, he might as well get off his ass and help me with my Game Face! He suggested a recent experience we had with the magical world of LARPing

Last weekend when I was visiting him we went on a over night camping trip with a close friend to join him with his LARP or live action roleplaying group and being the nerds we are we tagged a long to check out Quest for the unlimited energy realm: a dark talon epic fable or QUER: DTEL.

SPOILER ALERT: this was a mistake...
























When our friend told us about it I had all of these images of people dressed up like members of black metal bands kicking each others nerdy asses. Sadly none were in sight.

See, when he was telling us about it MY mind went somewhere totally different...



















SPOILER ALERT!: No black metal heads or semi attractive chicks climbing all over us

Instead we were greeted by things so horrible, so mind numbingly awful...they didn't even let us take any pictures!

SPOILER ALERT!: we did anyway

Yeah they said that cameras weren't period. You know what else isn't period? Foam weapons and half of the "garb" these fucks were wearing, are orcs period? I think they just don't want their faces on the internet.

I don't blame them.

What I liked about it though was that everything could be blamed on "roleplaying" I'm usually a really nice guy but these people really grated me the wrong way. So I would be a total asshole and say it was my character. Hell I got shitfaced and they thought it was just me roleplaying a barbarian.

Even when you decked that guy and pissed on him, we just said you were "Raging". To be fair to you, though, he was dressed like this:




















SPOILER ALERT!: That's not me I was wearing sick furs and shit

You know what made that fuck come up to me, was the fact that I was dressed like a badass barbarian. I had all of those furs and shit. He asked me if I wanted to yiff, you know that's furry talk for fucking. He thought I was a god damn furry. Now that I think about it I wish I hadn't pissed on him, he probably liked it.

He was squealing... but then again, he might have just been role playing. I can never tell. All I know is, when nobody was looking, I kept illegally picking up the "Spells" I cast. I was surprised nobody asked me how a Ranger kept casting fireball. I was just going to tell them it was the forest spirit or some shit, recite some Tolkien and they would have been happy.





















Man, do you remember when I snuck on the field with my iPod and I had shit like Turisas, Enslaved and Ensiferum playing? I got really pumped and kicked everyone's ass? But to be fair I was also drunk and I couldn't hear them yelling at me because I was blasting the music in my eardrums.

Yeah, whereas they were more concerned with the rules, you seemed more intent on actually beating the shit out of all of them. I just hung back, because I know what kind of berserker strength you get when you ride the Night Train to the High Life. I stood well back and pegged people with NERF ball- I mean, "Fire balls". I think I nailed one dude in the eye too! I was pretty proud of that one

SPOILER ALERT!: Battle metal will get you pumped to kill people even if it's in fantasy world



















Remember when that one chick almost caught me with the camera? She said she'd let it slide if I showed her my "Mighty Blade" I have to admit, I've never been so terrified in my life... I ran. That's why I was up that tree, remember?

Yeah you thought she meant your cock, she actually just wanted to duel you. I ended up just getting in her face and screaming obscenities, I then told her I was raging and that my rage had put a "fear spell" on her. She tried to tell me I couldn't do that and I threatened to punch her out and then she ran away.


As long as I live, I will never forget the day my friend saved me from a troll.



SPOILER ALERT!: I showed her my sword later that night.

Yeah I saved your fake fantasy life only to have you show that troll your sword anyways. Where were you when those furries raided the camp and tried to get in to my tent and shit and that guy was wearing nothing but body paint?

I've been meaning to fess up for a couple of days now but they bribed me...They handed me a fiver and told me to go get some fire wood. If it makes you feel any better, I went back to their cars and put some burning wood in a slightly rolled down window.

Well, I would threaten your fake fantasy life and tell you that I would murder you the next time I see you on the field. But because of that I "berserker raged" and bested them all in combat. They tried to make me their furry group leader. I took the mantle and quickly disbanded the group, told them to fuck off and I never wanted to see their group get back together or I would rage all over them again.

See, that's why I took the bribe. I knew you werent going to lose your innocence to a rag-tag group of furries. In the end, you got to fight and I got five bucks (and a chance to commit some arson).


SPOILER ALERT!: If you kill the furry leader you become the furry leader (Then you kill yourself)


You remember that bullshit feast? The one were they tried to serve "period" food and it was all KFC chicken and shit. Then there was that one fuck who said he was the king and that we had to bow for him and shit. I just "roleplayed" a barbarian and told the guy to fuck the right off.



In keeping with my character, I chucked a fireball at his eye.


They told us our acts were treasonous and chased us around the woods. We kept ambushing people, I would scream in their face, alcohol vapors and spit shooting out of my mouth and you throwing nerf balls at their eyes and wieners.

Oh man, I scored a ton of nut-shots too. Those NERF balls seem light, but when you throw them as hard as you can, they can raise WELTS man!

You know what I liked the best about that part, was when we made those snares and snatched those asshole "elves" up and hit them with our foam weapons and ran off leaving them there. I dunno how they got down none of those fucks had real blades on them.

They're elves, aren't they? They have some mystic ancient knowledge... they probably made it down before the Neutria got to them.


SPOILER ALERT!: Elves are lying bastards and will "roleplay" all kinds of "magic" "majiks" "knowledge" and other bullshit to get out of getting their asses kicked


I remember it was about that time that the forest had caught fire from the cars I arsonated. It was then that we decided that it was time to take our leave.

Overall I actually had fun, I would even say I would return to play if they lift the ban for rule breaking, reckless actions and endangering players they gave us.

So what are we saying here? B+?

I would give the game a solid B+!

SPOILER ALERT!: Never LARP with us.

SPOILER SPOILER ALERT!: Only LARP with us if you want to have fun and aren't a total dick nerd.

SPOILER ALERT!: Like I said...



Gets you stoked for foam battle

Game face! Volume 4 part 1

So this week, the week where my ankle fucking hurts, I get assigned Dance Dance Revolution. Believe me this shit was torture, I had to have a couple in me to even try and play and I have a couple in me while writing this review.









SPOILER ALERT!: I hate this game

Where to start? The music blows ass, no good dance music you would think maybe they would throw in some old hip hop, like Whodini. My mom told me when she would go out dancing in the early 80's it was to shit like that. I mean even some Prince would have been nice.




















SPOILER ALERT! Only fucking nerds have this controller

The only way I could have effectively played this game with a sprained ankle was with that controller pictured above. Well, guess what, I don't have $80 to drop on some stupid controller. So I manned up and tried playing the game with my ankle and fucked. If you're not familiar with this gimmicky trend, you have a pad and you step on the arrows and try and match it up with whats on the screen. It's stupid shit, it's like Guitar Hero only dumber. I didn't even play this shit when I was 14 when this girl I had a crush on tried to get me to play.



















SPOILER ALERT! The character designs fucking suck

Overall, I hate this game. If they had some decent music, the ability to play with a sprained ankle and better characters I wouldn't have hated it so much. But really my main qualm is that people that have no working legs cannot play this game without the stupid controller. That's fucked up, seriously video games are supposed to be for everyone to play. Even my friend with a broken arm when we were like 7 could play Nintendo.

B+

So...

yeah I'm still behind, I woke up Wednesday morning and my ankle hurt like shit. It was ok about half day but it started killing me after work and I'm not going to get in to how hellish it was today. So I've mostly been laying around resting not really being motivated to do anything except kill terrorists over Rainbow 6 las vegas 2. It's like Gi Joe the video for me, because I block out the story and the characters and just pretend i'm Shockwave or who ever I've dressed up as. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be feeling better and now out partying too late so I can try and do two game faces. Thanks for still checking you guys.

Before I run off to work, I leave you with this jem

Gah

Yeah we're behind, especially me....Friday night I was having computer issues and then Saturday I went out of town to visit Shane and co. until yesterday. I was too fucking tired last night to do anything and tonight I'm exhausted and grumpy. We'll get caught up soon, I promise that.

Also, Wizards of the coast eat a fucking dump. Seriously, you push all your online add ons for Dungeons and Dragons 4th edition back over half a year and now you release the beta for your stupid character generator and the last five times I've downloaded it and tried to install it I get errors. Fuck you, you cock tease slut.

Game Face!

I tell ya, this week is a real keeper:

And before you snicker, NO it's not about a hooker with a heart of gold who is forced to go to medical school after a crippling vaginal injury. This is simply an innocent game of health care management which HAPPENS to star a hooker.

SPOILER ALERT: She also happens to suffer from a crippling vaginal injury.

You guide your sweet little nurse character from hospital to hospital, plying your trade of medicine. You have a range of magic spells from Cure Light Wounds to Delouse which you need to use in the right combination, or your patient will turn into an exploding skeleton.

SPOILER ALERT: Each copy of the game has a specific character that, when killed, will become the Exploding Lich. This unlocks super nightmare mode where all the patients are razorblades, and all your spells are replaced with ear-piercing screams.

Not only do you act as the hospital's primary caster, but the nurse/hooker is also expected to buy pretty much every goddamn thing a hospital could ever need. Here I am buying water coolers which, as any doctors out there well know, are used to cure Scurvy.

SPOILER ALERT: When you place a Water Cooler directly next to a Dialysis Machine, you get a special ending where the hospital burns down due to an electrical fire.

I'd say this game's biggest flaw is the lack of nudity.

Yeah.

SPOILER ALERT: For a game about a hospital, there's a disturbing lack of backless gowns.

Overall, I'd say that Hospital Hustle does a good job of presenting the all-too-common situation of a hooker working in a hospital because her vagina is broken. It's a universal concept that pretty much all of us can relate to. Definitely a solid B

Well... maybe a B+

SPOILER ALERT: Hellooooooo Nurse!

Where the magic happens

This is where it all happens the crowded, cluttered computer desk, I wont be showing it in it's entirety it's embarrassing. I'm hoping to start making more room to actually start some real dio work and get some better lighting. I'm also hoping to try and get a weekly "comic" up, this weeks was hastily done and put together to get something up. I hope you guys liked it ok.
Also, yes behind the six's is the TRU Cutter, the same one I ranted about in a earlier post. I decided to waste the money on the pack, so now I have two deep six and a orange Torpedo that I'll be using in the near future. It would have cost me the same amount to make the Cutter custom I was planning on making, haha.

The adventures of Deep Six part 1