Here are the eight wacky and crazy characters of time killers. All are of a stereotypical archetype, the outsider who is a chainsaw wielding punk rocker with a Charles Mansonesque tattoo, the future warrior that doubles as the token black guy, the Blanka rip off, a stupid king Arther rip off, a viking who looks like Haggar the horrible, the token Japanese character who is a samurai, the token alien who is also a bug and the token female character that's from the distant future where women continue to fight for equal rights. I picked the least offensive character, the Charles Manson wanna be, Rancid.
SPOILER ALERT! There is a secret character that is unlocked when you beat the game with all 8 characters, they are a black, female character of Japanese alien decent who traveled to the future from the past and then returned to the present to fight womens rights.
The first character I fought was the artistically named Thugg. He's like Blanka minus the green skin and electricity. Since he was the first opponent he was a breeze. I button mashed the punch and block buttons and before I knew it I separated his head from his huge ass ancestral body.
SPOILER ALERT! Thugg actually keeps hams in his calves, watch out for his devastating ax kick he will crush your skill with his hams.
After Thugg the opponents stayed around the same difficulty level, it made me feel like I was being a line of 7 year old kids one after another, it kind of made me feel bad. My most humiliating moment of the game was my loss to Orion the toking black guy, no it's not because he's black I'm not a fucking racist, it was being he did it after I lopped off both his fucking arms.
SPOILER ALERT! The loss of any limbs aside from your head barely cause damage. The only penalty for losing your arms is losing the ability to point to you crouch and taunt the opponent.
The final boss was the hardest fucking boss in any video game I have ever fought, he can do a fifteen hit combo on you before you hit him once, if you don't know how many hits that it, that's a lot. Sometimes when I would jump at him he would launch a flaming skull at me and it would hit me seven times and before I hit the ground he would do it again! Let me tell you, that fucking pissed me off.
SPOILER ALERT! The boss's name is Death, it's revealed after defeating him that he's not the same death that's been plaguing mankind since his birth, but a man who was born without a face and ironically named Death.
After having my ass beat twelve times by this cheap bastard I finally laid in to his ass. I removed both of his arms before chainsawing his stupid mailbox head off. I was glad to finally get the fucking game over with.
SPOILER ALERT! The above image in that asshole Rancid's ending.
Over all with the overly easy opponents leading up to the hardest boss I have ever crossed chainsaws with, the game wasn't that bad. I loved removing limbs from people and then hearing the digital laughs of my character as he pointed to his own taint, I give this title a B+
1 comment:
an instant classic
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