Forklift told me to update

So I will!

Some of you may already know of this guy, but guess what? I didn't. So here is a video by him which I find funny. See if you agree!

Punch for Victory!

Here's another gem I pooped out:

I have Mastered an Artform

Behold, my Magnum Opus:




Sadly, there are those who still feel they can outclass me. Just look at this pretender:

More Mega Man Madness!!

But, sadly, I didn't make it.




(PS- I found this through Kurt who found it through Plastic Nothing http://plasticnothing.blogspot.com/ . Credit where it's due)

G-Game Face!

Hey... remember this? That one feature we used to do? Where you had to highlight the spoilers to see them? Well, here's another one of these articles! This week we explore a genre that has been near my heart for several months now: Farming Games.

Yes, it's Youda Farmer! You know, it's sad, it took me a while to actually understand what the fuck that title was about.

SPOILER ALERT: It's You-da Farmer, you are the farmer. I guess it's supposed to be urban.

I played this game for several hours, and I have to say, it really gets to the core of farming:

Buying shit! Yeah, apparently this world runs on "Credits" like so many future-space societies, and video games. The shop lady in the corner there is a total Minx, by the way. She offers several different buyables for your farm, including a butter churn and weathercock.

SPOILER ALERT: To get the golden butter churn you have to wait until the 5th full moon, then make a blood sacrifice to the spirits of the soil. The next day the new churn will be where the old one was, only it's covered in blood.

As for the plot, it's pretty clear from the map. You are a farmer working for a medieval type town. Every once in a while, the raiders come and you have to pack everything you can behind the little city wall there. It's a fairly interesting way of keeping the game fresh, as you have to often choose between things that seem equally valuable.

SPOILER ALERT: The pro's tell me that the best thing to leave to the raiders is children. The boys usually grow strong backs, perfect for raider labor, and daughters... well, you know. They were different times, man... different times...

Another interesting deviation from the normal farm game is the inclusion of several mini-games. From butter churning (alternate the up and down arrows for several hours) to barn raising, even the most mundane task is made lively and engaging!

SPOILER ALERT: This is one party you DON'T want to get invited to...

Overall, this is a game that's a worthy distraction for the price. You get to run around, spreading joy and water to various crops and livestock. You can shoot raiders with flaming arrows, and you're character pretty much isn't afraid of anything. I wouldn't be ashamed to give it a B+, especially considering your ability to pimp your ride:

SPOILER ALERT: Oh SNAP, son! That ride is CHERRY!

Game Face!

I tell ya, this week is a real keeper:

And before you snicker, NO it's not about a hooker with a heart of gold who is forced to go to medical school after a crippling vaginal injury. This is simply an innocent game of health care management which HAPPENS to star a hooker.

SPOILER ALERT: She also happens to suffer from a crippling vaginal injury.

You guide your sweet little nurse character from hospital to hospital, plying your trade of medicine. You have a range of magic spells from Cure Light Wounds to Delouse which you need to use in the right combination, or your patient will turn into an exploding skeleton.

SPOILER ALERT: Each copy of the game has a specific character that, when killed, will become the Exploding Lich. This unlocks super nightmare mode where all the patients are razorblades, and all your spells are replaced with ear-piercing screams.

Not only do you act as the hospital's primary caster, but the nurse/hooker is also expected to buy pretty much every goddamn thing a hospital could ever need. Here I am buying water coolers which, as any doctors out there well know, are used to cure Scurvy.

SPOILER ALERT: When you place a Water Cooler directly next to a Dialysis Machine, you get a special ending where the hospital burns down due to an electrical fire.

I'd say this game's biggest flaw is the lack of nudity.

Yeah.

SPOILER ALERT: For a game about a hospital, there's a disturbing lack of backless gowns.

Overall, I'd say that Hospital Hustle does a good job of presenting the all-too-common situation of a hooker working in a hospital because her vagina is broken. It's a universal concept that pretty much all of us can relate to. Definitely a solid B

Well... maybe a B+

SPOILER ALERT: Hellooooooo Nurse!

Game Face! Volume 1 part 2

This week is the first installment of "Game Face!" our game review article that will give Jack Thomson a run for his money. Remember when you see a Spoiler Alert! highlight the text next to it to see the spoiler.

My review is of a quaint little title known as Singles 2.

Now, I might be outing myself as a poser here, but I have never played the first Singles game. But if I had to make a guess, I'd say the goal is threefold:

SPOILER ALERT! 1) Do a little dance 2) make a little love 3) Get down tonight

Well, in the second installment of the Singles franchise, you play as either Bret (the male avatar) or Brettina (the female avatar). For obvious reasons, I chose Brettina. Above you can see her arguing with her roommate, Polkatits, about inviting her ex-lover Joshua to live with them.

SPOILER ALERT! The plot doesn't change depending on which gender you choose, the ex-lover's name is always Joshua.


You guide your character through basic social situations (like high-fiving people) and, like it's progenitor The Sims, take care of their bodily needs.

SPOILER ALERT! If you don not have your character masturbate at least 3 times per game day, they will catch The Depression.In due course, the game kicks you in the nuts with some Love Triangle plot-line between you, Polkatits and Joshua the Orange. Thankfully, you can ignore all of this and murder one or both of them... shit, I guess I should have spoiler'd that.

SPOILER ALERT! If you are able to coax the Golden Scepter from Joshua and combine it with Polkatits' vagina, you unlock a secret character, Super Saiyan Bret


Overall, I'd say this game has a lot going for it. The crafting system is well done (the +3 handcuffs I was able to make were finally able to bind that Incubus) and the lovemaking minigame is fast-paced and fun. Sure, you have to spring for the dance pad, but it's worth it!

B+

SPOILER ALERT! I won a car!