Yeah, well, I figured since Kurt's been slacking off so much lately, he might as well get off his ass and help me with my Game Face! He suggested a recent experience we had with the magical world of LARPing
Last weekend when I was visiting him we went on a over night camping trip with a close friend to join him with his LARP or live action roleplaying group and being the nerds we are we tagged a long to check out Quest for the unlimited energy realm: a dark talon epic fable or QUER: DTEL.
SPOILER ALERT: this was a mistake...
When our friend told us about it I had all of these images of people dressed up like members of black metal bands kicking each others nerdy asses. Sadly none were in sight.
See, when he was telling us about it MY mind went somewhere totally different...
SPOILER ALERT!: No black metal heads or semi attractive chicks climbing all over us
Instead we were greeted by things so horrible, so mind numbingly awful...they didn't even let us take any pictures!
SPOILER ALERT!: we did anyway
Yeah they said that cameras weren't period. You know what else isn't period? Foam weapons and half of the "garb" these fucks were wearing, are orcs period? I think they just don't want their faces on the internet.
I don't blame them.
What I liked about it though was that everything could be blamed on "roleplaying" I'm usually a really nice guy but these people really grated me the wrong way. So I would be a total asshole and say it was my character. Hell I got shitfaced and they thought it was just me roleplaying a barbarian.
Even when you decked that guy and pissed on him, we just said you were "Raging". To be fair to you, though, he was dressed like this:
SPOILER ALERT!: That's not me I was wearing sick furs and shit
You know what made that fuck come up to me, was the fact that I was dressed like a badass barbarian. I had all of those furs and shit. He asked me if I wanted to yiff, you know that's furry talk for fucking. He thought I was a god damn furry. Now that I think about it I wish I hadn't pissed on him, he probably liked it.
He was squealing... but then again, he might have just been role playing. I can never tell. All I know is, when nobody was looking, I kept illegally picking up the "Spells" I cast. I was surprised nobody asked me how a Ranger kept casting fireball. I was just going to tell them it was the forest spirit or some shit, recite some Tolkien and they would have been happy.
Man, do you remember when I snuck on the field with my iPod and I had shit like Turisas, Enslaved and Ensiferum playing? I got really pumped and kicked everyone's ass? But to be fair I was also drunk and I couldn't hear them yelling at me because I was blasting the music in my eardrums.
Yeah, whereas they were more concerned with the rules, you seemed more intent on actually beating the shit out of all of them. I just hung back, because I know what kind of berserker strength you get when you ride the Night Train to the High Life. I stood well back and pegged people with NERF ball- I mean, "Fire balls". I think I nailed one dude in the eye too! I was pretty proud of that one
SPOILER ALERT!: Battle metal will get you pumped to kill people even if it's in fantasy world
Remember when that one chick almost caught me with the camera? She said she'd let it slide if I showed her my "Mighty Blade" I have to admit, I've never been so terrified in my life... I ran. That's why I was up that tree, remember?
Yeah you thought she meant your cock, she actually just wanted to duel you. I ended up just getting in her face and screaming obscenities, I then told her I was raging and that my rage had put a "fear spell" on her. She tried to tell me I couldn't do that and I threatened to punch her out and then she ran away.
As long as I live, I will never forget the day my friend saved me from a troll.
SPOILER ALERT!: I showed her my sword later that night.
Yeah I saved your fake fantasy life only to have you show that troll your sword anyways. Where were you when those furries raided the camp and tried to get in to my tent and shit and that guy was wearing nothing but body paint?
I've been meaning to fess up for a couple of days now but they bribed me...They handed me a fiver and told me to go get some fire wood. If it makes you feel any better, I went back to their cars and put some burning wood in a slightly rolled down window.
Well, I would threaten your fake fantasy life and tell you that I would murder you the next time I see you on the field. But because of that I "berserker raged" and bested them all in combat. They tried to make me their furry group leader. I took the mantle and quickly disbanded the group, told them to fuck off and I never wanted to see their group get back together or I would rage all over them again.
See, that's why I took the bribe. I knew you werent going to lose your innocence to a rag-tag group of furries. In the end, you got to fight and I got five bucks (and a chance to commit some arson).
SPOILER ALERT!: If you kill the furry leader you become the furry leader (Then you kill yourself)
You remember that bullshit feast? The one were they tried to serve "period" food and it was all KFC chicken and shit. Then there was that one fuck who said he was the king and that we had to bow for him and shit. I just "roleplayed" a barbarian and told the guy to fuck the right off.
In keeping with my character, I chucked a fireball at his eye.
They told us our acts were treasonous and chased us around the woods. We kept ambushing people, I would scream in their face, alcohol vapors and spit shooting out of my mouth and you throwing nerf balls at their eyes and wieners.
Oh man, I scored a ton of nut-shots too. Those NERF balls seem light, but when you throw them as hard as you can, they can raise WELTS man!
You know what I liked the best about that part, was when we made those snares and snatched those asshole "elves" up and hit them with our foam weapons and ran off leaving them there. I dunno how they got down none of those fucks had real blades on them.
They're elves, aren't they? They have some mystic ancient knowledge... they probably made it down before the Neutria got to them.
SPOILER ALERT!: Elves are lying bastards and will "roleplay" all kinds of "magic" "majiks" "knowledge" and other bullshit to get out of getting their asses kicked
I remember it was about that time that the forest had caught fire from the cars I arsonated. It was then that we decided that it was time to take our leave.
Overall I actually had fun, I would even say I would return to play if they lift the ban for rule breaking, reckless actions and endangering players they gave us.
So what are we saying here? B+?
I would give the game a solid B+!
SPOILER ALERT!: Never LARP with us.
SPOILER SPOILER ALERT!: Only LARP with us if you want to have fun and aren't a total dick nerd.
SPOILER ALERT!: Like I said...
Gets you stoked for foam battle
1 comment:
I have no idea if you really di that or just wrote a hilarious real ass story, but either way. What a ride
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