Google gearch gaturday golume: 5 kidz #1

It's not technically Saturday anymore but we haven't gone to sleep and woke up yet so it is for us! This week the images we found happened to have kids, the rascally half people have wormed in to our hearts and made us smile, laugh and cry but not necessarily in that order. Though sometimes when you look at them you realize they'll be running your nursing home and in charge of your country...and it makes you cry yourself to sleep. I now know how my parents felt when they saw my friend and me throwing dog shit at the neighborhood bully, the country will be protected and they know we wont falter but we'll go about it all wrong and get shit everywhere. So up first in front of the firing squad is Shane "Horseman" Hosea: He picked his beloved "god"



















Hey, kids. Welcome to the internet! Here's your complimentary shirt

and you've summed up our entire generations lives

I think the one on the left has got it right. That is the exact expression you get when you've spent the prime of your life on 4chan. There you are, overweight, sweaty, masturbating to pictures of a kitten on fire...weeping.

Also wearing your fifth bag of Cheetos all over your face. I know exactly what they're trying to do here, use children to make me hate fags. What they failed to realize is that I know these kid's parents forced them to wear these and I'm actually in turn hating them...good job on using your kids to make people hate you. You didn't even have to send them to someone's house to act like little shits you just posted them all over the internet for them to find. So when your kids friends parents look up your husband's name on the internet to make sure he doesn't molest their kid, they find pictures of your Christmas card and that your husband is in fact a molester, double whammy.

Here's my question...does God actually hate Fags? As an ordained minister, I guess I have to answer that, don't I?

Yeah you're asking the wrong guy, the only time I've talked to God is when I'm running to the bathroom after a wicked night of cheap beer, praying that I don't shit myself.

That's why he doesn't talk to you (also why he makes you shit yourself sometimes). Hold on, I'm gonna ask God how he feels about fags. ...

While you do that I'm going to run to the bathroom and make sure I don't shit myself.

God says he doesn't give a shit. The only sex that bothers him is fur suits, and midget porn. He doesn't condemn them, he just says they "Aren't really his thing"

I would condemn fur suits if I was God...midget porn now there's nothing wrong with that, that's nature.

It's the circle of life, man.

Oh, I would also condemn this blasphemous image...

He says he already did. Bad news: we're going to hell for re-posting it...

I had to repost it this week it goes against everything the Ninja Turtles stand for















NOT USING GUNS

Oh man, look at Mikey! He's MUTATED AGAIN!! Although, in all seriousness. If there was one Ninja Turtle that would use guns, it'd be Raph.

Yeah but it would be for the pizza guy getting their late or someone creasing his favorite porn mag, he wouldn't use it in a real fight.

I want you to play a game with me
Last time I did I woke up in alley naked

Only because you lost...Ok, find 5 things in this picture that tells you that this family is poor as fuck.

Styrofoam on the couch, couch needs repairs, couldn't pay for the babies costume, uses daddies drug deal gun instead of ninja weapons and the KY gel on the stool next to the couch telling you it's a studio apartment and that the parents have sex in the same room their children sleep. I win no waking up in the alley naked this time.

You win this time, Trimbo. Bonus points would have been awarded for spotting the carpet on the wall, though.

Yeah but that was easy, I figured you would have said they can't afford shoes either. In turn I would counter they are ninja turtles and they never wear shoes even when they're disguised and that is why the family chose turtles that year for Halloween, they didn't need to have shoes.

Yeah, but that one in the middle has mismatched-socks ALSO a problem the real Turtles never have.

I have mismatched-socks

Yeah, but you're a stoned 20 something and it's passed 5am. Plus, you're not taking a picture of it. You also don't have a costume with the name of what you're supposed to be printed on the costume...

First of all, I'm not stoned anymore, second of all 5am is when I thrive, third you're right I'm not taking photos of myself to post on the internet right now, fourth my friend had a he-man costume like that when we were in school, I feel bad because I made fun of him hardcore for it having a picture of he-man on it. Also I have no reason why I'm attempting to defend against the other points they were valid.

Yeah, I admit to having a Michalangelo costume as a kid...Big ol' picture of Mikey right there on the PURE WHITE SHIRT...seriously... my costume was a white shirt with a picture on it... and a plastic mask.

That sucks, I would have pushed you down had I seen you wearing that. Mine was a soft foam shell, like the front was all padded and shit and the back was this harder foam, my mom painted my face up all green and my mask wasn't some shitty rubber one like these kids have, I know those cut in their skin, mine was good ol'fabric that felt like polyester. Though sadly I think it had a picture of Raphael on the right part of the chest, but to defend that it looked like the old comic book Raph so really it could have been ant turtle I fucking wanted it to be.

Hell, it probably WAS any turtle they all wore red in the comic.

Yeah but the only colored part of that comic was the cover do it didn't matter.

You take that back! EVERYTHING about that comic mattered!!

Whoa whoa whoa I know but, you know...I was just defending the fact that all of the turtles being red wasn't an issue...they weren't colored so you couldn't tell them apart anyways unless you was their weapons, which did not include a gun.

Moral of the story: Turtle ninja mutants don't use guns, no matter how old they are.

Amen


















The challenge mode of "what makes this family poor" the Bonus Round

I bet these kids got this gorilla turtle man cake for their birthday too, poor bastards. Wait a fucking minute.

huh?

Raphael is holding a fucking sword on that cake and it's by the fucking handle, his sai are sitting at Don's feet. When I looked at this shit the first time I knew there was a man hole on the floor it just makes no fucking sense. That man hole should not be on the floor if they're in the fucking sewer. Do your fucking research idiot.